Blame It on Belgray

 

Laura Belgray, copywriter extraordinaire at Talking Shrimp, is blogging every day.

Belgray

 

I love Laura Belgray. She is hands down the funniest person I have ever met in my life.

 

I got a chance to meet her at RHH Live. It was like we had known each other for years.

 

OldSchoolOprahRHH

I was fangirling over her like a 12 year- old Directioneer.

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I’ve been trying to All About Eve (minus the whole taking her job and husband shit, cuz, that’s just more work than I’m willing to do right now)  my way into her life ever since.

All About Eve Remake

 

I troll her website and read her Facebook posts. I send her e-mails and camp out on the floor under my computer praying she’ll respond. When she does, I’m all:

 

oprah-dance

 

She’s brilliant.  I feel honored to call her a friend.

The other day, she sent me a vagina for my birthday…. A. Vagina.

I built a shrine to her made of Slim Jims…then, I was all…”Damn, Slim Jims why you gotta smell so yummified?” And, I ate them, because that’s what Laura Belgray would do. I think.

slimjim

When Belgeezy (Yes, I gave her a nickname. Yes, I have it tattooed on my lower back fat.) told me she was blogging every day, I got so excited. I want to know what makes the woman tick. What the hell makes her so funny? How does she do it? Why is she not telling Jenny McCarthy to get her damn big ass glasses and get the hell out of her seat on “The View”, already?

Jenny-McCarthy-Black-Boxbel

Laura Belgray is magic. Pure magic. She writes so eloquently. Her words are what it must feel like when Mother Oprah allows you to come into her regitfing closet and pick anything you want. Heaven.

I get an e-mail from her asking me if I was going to blog everyday…um, well, when your writing shero invites you to step your game up, YOU GOTTA RESPOND. You have to step fully into your greatness and shine. I mean she writes for the big dogs. She wants me (ME!) to sit in a high-backed white wicker chair beside her in the opulent, periwinkle-kissed hydrangea dotted gardens of Big Time Blogtasia… I mustn’t let her down.

Here is my lame ass response:

Um, why are you hard selling me, Clayton MakePeace, Junior???? Stop with the big red arrows asking me when I wrote…it’s none of your damn business.

I was busy consulting with a major Hollywood player yesterday…the late Andy Griffith. I watched 6 entire episodes of Matlock in a row, before I realized I hadn’t showered and smelled like Cool Ranch Doritos with a hint of French onion dip and overworked Brazilian hooker circa World Cup… so, um, yeah, there’s always today.”

 

Matlock2

 

I’m not sure if I can blog every day. The pressure to keep up with HRH Bel Greatness may be too much. I will commit to finishing this one post… and taking a shower…and telling Andy Griffith’s people I cannot take a meeting with him, today.

queen-marys-circletbel

Writing comes easy to me. The ideas do. The hard part is sharing….because feelings. But, hey, if Belgray is gonna strut her stuff out here in these digital streets, I’m gonna join in Norma Ray style!

NormaRayBel

 

So, if you start seeing regular posts that are just for the hell of it; just words, ideas, pictures, and pure fun…blame Belgray. You want to get yourself some of the BelGotdangGreatness on the daily click here and subscribe to her newsletter. She’s all that and a big bag of Cool Ranch Doritos..or is that just my under arms talking?

 

Oh, just so you know, one day Belgray and I will remake this video…and it will star all the Internet Marketing GREATS.

Imagine Dan Kennedy, Frank Kern, Tony Robbins,  Mastin Kipp, Derek Halpern, Gabrielle Bernstein, Danielle LaPorte and  Fabienne Fredrickson (I dare you not to say her name out loud the way she says it.) getting crunk with with me and Belgray in da club… and of course, Marie Forleo will be the Celebrity DJ.

Did I mention,  Kate Northrup is throwing money at strippers…and Kris Carr is throwing KALE….???Yes, I go there in my manifesting…. Blame it on the Belgray. P.S. Yo, Richie Cunningham, I don’t think Andy would approve of you getting tipsy in da club….

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